Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Got your RED shirt ready?

It's coming. Tons of guys will be, too.

The "First Saturday in June" is an unoffical holiday for me every year. This is the weekend when literally hundreds of thousands of fags, dykes, bears, leather daddies, cubs, prissy bitches, and circuit boyz descend on Orlando and the faux-reality of the theme parks the area provides for Gay Days.

Combine the fun of a visit to Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom with a sea of RED shirts (the "required" attire) and the place takes on a whole new life that is only able to be seen this one day every year.

It certainly IS a fun time. The daily 3pm parade is usually performed with a fever-pitch, as the crowds of adoring GLBT fans work the parade performers into a frenzy. Of course, there is also the oddity and photo-op as hunreds of bears congregate in front of the "Country Bear Jamboree".

It's a gay old time, indeed.

I usually wrap-up my day in the park by heading over to the ironically named "Outer Rim" bar at Disney's Contermporay Resort to start getting my drink on. Hold the rim-job, please.

But, the weekend begins long before the fun and fantasy of the Magic Kingdom.

Tons of all-night parties and nightclub events turn Orlando into a non-stop party, with something for everyone (well, except for the closed-minded "God Hates Fags" Christian Conservatives that will be protesting everywhere that they can).

My week starts out with the Thursday night ritual of heading to the home of the revolving dancefloor: Mannequins at Pleasure Island. A place notoriously known as ManneQUEENS on this night of nights. Normally, this place is so packed that there is a two hour wait just to get into the club. No worries. The garage door has been opened and all of the excess inside spills right out into the queue line. Of course, it's hard for those nose-candy queens to find a stall to snort their "pixie dust"...hopefully, the have opted for a pill, instead.

Yes, this is a weekend of pounding music, bodies, and frantic heartbeats...as most participanted are heavily self-medicated.

Hopefully, this year I will make into ManneQUEENS before becoming a stumbling drunk outside. We'll see.

The following day is a "day of rest" for me, and I will most likely sleep in before heading off for this year's fun-zone number two. I've got a FREE hotel stay in the tower at Disney's Contemporary Hotel. It'll be a nice room with a balcony and plenty of vodka and a few visitors, I am sure.

As I wake up in the hotel on Saturday morning, I'll need to race home for a quick shower and to fix my "to go" bottle for the Magic Kingdom.

(The Magic Kingdom serves no alcohol, kiddies.)

After the day of magic is over, it's time for a night of pleasure. This evening I am planning on hitting Parliament House to hear Taylor Dayne sing one of my favorite old gay songs, "Naked Without You".

Sunday, more sleep.

While most of the thousands of visitors will be up all night at mammoth all-night circuit parties, this 35-year-old will be tuckered out. I know what goes on in Vegas, and they can all stay there. I've see it all and done it all.

I'm guessing Monday I will head over to Sea World to catch their newest Shamu show entitled, "Believe". I so like to think that it's an homage to Cher, but I have a feeling I'll be looking at an Orca whilst so sappy music and story a "kid who loves whales" has me grabbing for my tissue.

However, if it were an homage to Cher, that might be an experience that really opens the flood gates.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to partying it up for Gay Days again this year. I only hope that I actually will be able to remember most of it this time.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

UPDATE: Ritz-Carlton South Beach

In true Ritz-Carlton fashion, the General Manager responded to my letter (see below: When Good Vacations Attack!) and he actually commented on virtually every point that I had mentioned.

The $200 in Ritz-Carlton Gift Certificates helped matters, too.

I've gone Cuckoo for Coco's Huffs...

Many moons ago, I was subjected to watching a gay flick, called "Trick". The film's biggest star was Tori Spelling and she seemed to be having so much fun "actin' it up with all of her little fag friends" (as I put it 30 minutes into the DVD).

So, there I was watching this bland melodrama that I was "supposed" to connect with, as a homo.

The film was hijacked during a 60 second scene starring the piercingly hilarious Miss Coco Peru (Clinton Leupp) simply blew me away. I almost did a spit-take and pissed my pants all at the same time as Coco asked, "You ever have cum in your eye, Gabriel?" This was the most spot-on, deadpan, mockingly serious thing I had ever seen.

What ever happened to Coco?

The answer: plenty.

It turns out that Miss Coco Peru has been around for the past ten years (or so...sorry, Coco *kiss*) and has appeared all over film and TV. In fact, I just discovered that she (he?) was even a voice in DISNEY'S "The WILD"! Yet, another film I will have to tackle to hear this genius in action.

About a month ago, I was surfing YouTube.com and decided to relive that fabulous scene from "Trick". This led to even more surfing the net to find Coco Peru's site:

There was a nice little "Contact Me" button on the bottom. That same drunken evening at home, the vodka led me to reach out and contact her.

She...or rather Clinton...emailed me back! Rather promptly, I might add. The humble tone of the response blew me away even more. An honest to God REAL person with REAL talent AND REAL MANNERS!

I was floored.

I wrote back...again with a response. Impossible.

I know that I'm gushing here, but I have new respect and admiration for Drag Alter-Egos and their creators...well, not all of 'em. But, this one's a winner, kids!

After the horrendous five-years I spent with my ex-boyfriend/bitch drag queen in Orlando, I was amazed by Clinton and Miss Coco.

I am indeed a fan. (Not a scary one, but a faithful one.)

Today, I've purchased a DVD copy of one of Coco's biggest starring vehicles, "Girls Will Be Girls". I can't wait until this DVD arrives from Amazon.com

It's going to be a piss my pants weekend for sure.

http://www.sropictures.com/girlswillbegirls/ <--Link to the movie's site.

Personal note to Clinton: If you read this...thanks for bringing big laughs back into my life. It's something that's been lacking for awhile! If you're ever in Orlando, please let me know. I'll hook you up with Disney for FREE...oh, wait...you were in 'the WILD', you've probably got that on your own.

Monday, May 08, 2006

I've got a Boo-Boo...

In 2004, Central Florida was plagued by numerous hurricanes that threatened to change the entire landscape of the area. Once they slammed us, I never thought we would return to "normalcy".

We have.

Unfortunately, New Orleans hasn't been as lucky.

I'm still bewildered that our country has turned it's back on New Orleans. Sure there were benefits and fundraisers to help the city get back on it's feet. There have been large chunks of change coming from the Feds to help get everything back in order. Alas, the city is still crying for help and everyone is ignoring it like a child with Tourette's.

Meanwhile, back in Orlando we have remolded our plastic-fake society and we do not have to worry about dealing with the sadness the people in New Orleans (and MOST of the entire Gulf Coast of the USA) are experiencing.

Many of the unique treasures of the city are gone and will only remain in the memories of people who loved those hideaways.

I can relate locally in Orlando to that feeling, due to one place -- the Big Bamboo Lounge.

I miss my dear friend, the Boo, now more than ever. It was the dirty charm and whimsy that helped everyone leave pretention and simply have real honest-to-God dialogue. I became closer to many of my friends (and even my own Brother) thanks to the wonder that was the Boo.

Rumors had swirled after the hurricanes in Florida that the Boo MIGHT reopen. I was hoping and hoping. That day never came. (I even heard someone today say that they thought the place had reopened.)

Then, early this year, some transients (or maybe even heroin addicts -- or both) decided to take up residence in my "happy place". The Boo caught on fire and was ruined.

I've been hearing rumors that the place has reopened. I just can't imagine this to be true. Why, a simple look on www.bigbamboolounge.com will show you that a revival of the Boo seems impossible. My life, and that of the Boos regulars, will never be the same.

I'm sure it's not a balanced comparison to the shitty hand dealt to New Orleans, but it is an upsetting fact for me to deal with. I have Boo withdrawels every couple of weeks. I'd love to slide in next to the dusty old sofa -- you know the one right next to the pink bra hanging from the ceiling -- with my "Big Bamboo" drink in hand. The night would evaporate into laughter, charm, and warmth.

I'll never forget it.

If I ever became a multi-millionaire I would attempt to recreate every detail of the place to the best that money would buy. Just so others would learn to feel the magic of the Big Bamboo.

I can't imagine it would ever be the same.

Tonight, I'll be doing ANOTHER drive-by of the vacant shell of the Boo, with a hope and a memory full of fondness.