Friday, October 28, 2005

Why wouldn't I shut up?

I had a "second" interview for a position with a portion of my company that I have always had a tremendous amount of respect and interest.

Yesterday was "Round 2" and I was praying that it would go as wonderfully as "Round 1" did.

This was to be a panel interview with three people that I've never met before.

We clustered around a small round table. As I kept trying to keep my hands from sweating and trembling, I smiled and feigned my "delight" at meeting each of these characters. The rapid-fire questioning began and so did my mouth...digging holes the size of Pam Anderson's vagina and leaving gaps in my responses the size of the one on Lauren Hutton's front teeth.

I talked and talked and tried to stay "on topic", but with such generic questions, there was too much room for me to meander.

The dead silence after each response certainly did not help, either.

In "Round 1", the interview was warm and cordial. There was chatty and witty banter that made me feel like I could really shine.

"Round 2" was a poker table full of poker faces.

The question that really killed me is: "Where do you see yourself in the next five to ten years?"

This question used to be so easy for me five to ten years ago, but now that the company I work for has so wonderfully crushed all of those hopes and dreams, I have Nahtaklu as to what I want to do with my life.

The honest answer should've been about how I see myself as a lottery winner and living happily in my homes in NYC, South Beach, Orlando, and Las Vegas and tavelling the globe sight-seeing until I can't see any more sights.

But, I'm sure they intended for my response to be "career-oriented". With that, I drew a What career? I'm simply existing to pay my bills.

So, I waxed on and waxed off endlessly about my original goals and how my experiences were priming me for a position that I wasn't sure I really wanted any longer. (Not the position I was interviewing for, mind you, but the position I used to think I would be doing by this point in my life.)

I ended up telling them that currently, I had no career path...I'm sort of a drifter at the moment. Did that just come out of my mouth? Shit!

Now who would want to hire a drifter? I certainly wouldn't.

Why the hell did I say that?????????

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Why 50 questions?

Because, I have 50 answers!

1. What year was the best year of your life? 1992 sticks in my brain for some reason. Must be because that's when I first moved away from home and finally had some freedom.

2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark? Are you kidding? I live in Florida...mosquitos, roaches, gators, snakes...

3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Yes -- and I'm not going to tell you what it is.

4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? I don't open them at all. I let Beny open them and tell me when I need to pay's that for responsibility?

5. How many pillows are on your bed? Two...his and his.

6. Favorite ice cream flavor? Dulce de Leche

7. What is the most dominate color in your wardrobe? Gray

8. Have you ever seen a ghost? 999 of them in the Haunted Mansion, you know...

9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Carnival...I love the seediness and if they have the "freak shows" BONUS!

10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner.

11. Your favorite fictional animal? Harvey Birdman: Lawyer

12. Have you ever flown first-class? Yes.

13. Would you go on a reality show? Absolutely.

14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future?'s all turning to shit as we speak.

15. Pancakes or waffles? 'Waffle House' waffles

16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be? Brooklyn Heights, NYC

17. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Broccoli and Cheese. Chili.

18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city? For me, it's all about Epcot and "Drinking Around the World".

19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city? Many: Stonewood Grill, Kahuna Grill, Hue, Jiko, Boma, Flying Fish, Artist's Point, Cafe Tu Tu Tango...somebody stop me...I love eatin'!

20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see? I love to see the silverback expressive.

21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Which is your favorite? I think I'm into the potatoes.

22. What is the best movie that you’ve seen this year? I recently watched "I Heart Huckabees" and enjoyed it...although it's a tad too "heady".

23. One of your favorite books when you were a child? Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends".

24. What in your life are you most grateful for? I'm sure most people will say, "my parents" and I'll echo that one, but I'd also say my best friends Donna and William, who have always stood by me.

25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door? I don't even close the door when I have guests...unless it's going to be a paint-peeler.

26. What is your favorite small appliance? Cameras.

27. Salty snacks or sweet treats? Salty.

28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time? I'm always early and rarely late.

29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done? I've done many things that involve nudity.

30. Have you ever met someone famous? Yes. Too many to care.

31. What was one of your favorite games as a child? I liked playing "Chutes and Ladders", mainly for the "Chutes".

32. At what age have you looked your best? I'd say 31.

33. One person that never fails to make you laugh? Donna Mitchell -- girl is nuts.

34. What was the first music that you ever bought? Devo's "Whip It".

35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be? Being 'out' with them from the beginning, rather than cause so much pain down the road.

36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? White Cannellini Bean Dip with Oregano-sprinkled Pita Chips. I also get compliments on my "Vietnamese-spiced Pork Chops".

37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? The net. Google News. Local news, WFTV Channel 9.

38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? names, sorry.

39. Who recieved your first kiss? My first boyfriend, Peter Ames.

40. The single most important quality in a mate? Humor and simplicity. I found 1/2 of that and 1 out of 2 isn't that bad.

41. What do you value most in a relationship? Romantic talks/walks in beautiful surroundings. The moment when you realize for the millionth time how much you love him...or her.

42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate? Yes.

43. Do you consider yourself well organized? I can be. Mostly.

44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?

45. Did you ever make a prank phone call? Oh yes. Many.

46. What one quality do you seek in a friend? Humor and smart conversation. Patience. Loving me no matter what.

47. Have you ever killed an animal? Insect, yes. Animal, no.

48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? Architect.

49. Do you believe in a afterlife? Yes.

50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? To not have to work any longer and travel, travel travel.

Why, time does heal wounds...

As I suspected, Beny has finally cooled off. Once he arrived home last night, all was fine. Stubborn Gayasians.

Why he's a poet AND he knows it!

There's this dude that was highlighted on my company's intranet portal that really caught my eye. His photo was minimalist and sexy. Then, once I read the profile that was posted...well, this dude's background was so interesting. I mean, any guy that specialized in "Feminist Theory" in college...interesting, right?

Then, there was the "vibe" issue. I was getting a gay "vibe". I didn't even know this guy, but I sensed that something was up with him. I needed to find out more.

Later in the profile, it was mentioned that he also had a blog that contained some of his poetry. Well, I just HAD to find out more about that, too. I also wanted to follow the breadcrumbs to discover more about this enigma.

I emailed him, complimenting him on the interesting PR piece and he was nice enough to respond. Since then, I've discovered much more:

The official title of his blog:
Misfires & Whatnot: The Life & Times of a Hot-House Flower
The ever-continuing account of a "man out of time"......mostly just pure craziness. Handle it.

Here's the link:

Go there and read his introspective, warm-hearted, sensual and sassy poetry.

While there, be sure to click the links and discover his sister-site that details some odd things, such as his unsolicited dreams about Jake Gyllenhaal that ends up as Katie Holmes.

This boy's a creative energy force...the world can use a few more like him.

I also feel lucky to call him a cherished friend...while we've never even met except via emails and chat.

So strange, huh? I know!

Why you, too, must discover Mr. Alarid.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Why yes,'s an update!

Saturday, I got the itch to get out of town.

My good friend, William agreed to go with me (since Beny had to work).

William and I piled into his car and headed for St. Augustine. Always relaxing and always beautiful, we had a wonderful time. Of course, I had my yummy Shrimp Po'Boy at the Florida Cracker Cafe. Yummsies.

About 6:3pm, we decided to head to Jacksonville. Too close not to go, ya know?

We arrived in Jacksonville, where I always have a horrible time trying to locate my favorite little hole in the wall bar, Club 3D.

We did finally stumble upon another gay bar, 616 (after 90 minutes of driving around). Once we pounded down two Long Island Iced Teas and grabbed the Contax Guide (our weekly gay rag with maps and ads for anything and everything homo), we got back into the car and headed to another club, Metro.

I had been to Metro once before, but was in such a state that I really only remember the parking lot.

At Metro, more Iced Teas and the non-Metro (nor-Cosmo) drag show began.


Two of the performers where as rural ghetto as I had expected. However, two of the fine ebony queens were way too good for Jacksonville and I enjoyed them a bunch.

I had turned off my cell to conserve battery power. Since I had spoken with Beny prior to arriving at Metro, I assumed all was a-okay.


During the evening, William and I got completely hammered. Beny had been calling. Sometime around 2:30am, I called him. Lecture time.

"Why did you turn your phone off?"

Leaving Metro, William was passed out in the car. I was weaving and thankfully not heaving. We pulled of at some exit from I-95, drove-thru Whataburger, and plopped down $62 for a shitty room at Super 8 hotel.

I called Beny. Totally pissed off at me. Hung up on me.

Three voicemails from him:
  • (3:20am) If you are drunk, you should get a hotel room just to be safe.
  • (3:21am) You fucker...I know what you are up to...mother fucker
  • (3:23am) I'm leaving you. I'll be gone when you get home.

I called him. It was brief. He stated that he was pissed at me and accused me of going to a bathhouse in Jacksonville...while that was a great idea, I didn't do it.

Arrived back in Orlando yesterday around 1:30pm. Beny had already left for work.

It felt good to be home, but my house is not really a home when Beny's not around. It's even worse when he's mad at me.

I was in bed by 9:30pm last night (because I had to be at work at 7am due to Hurricane Wilma). Beny got home at 10:30pm and made a bunch of noise but never greeted me at all. He slept in the guest bedroom.

I left this morning at 6:10am. Still haven't spoken with Beny. I did write him a little note and left it on the counter. By the time I get home today, he'll be gone to work again.

I'm rather thankful...because I'm so afraid to talk to him.

Drama is rearing it's ugly head. I just pray that the time apart will allow him to cool down.

Why, only time will tell.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Why anxiety?

With Beny's asylum being granted by the INS Judge, I experienced great joy this week. However, I'm still on pins and needles.

I have an interview this afternoon.

I haven't interviewed for anything in seven or eight years.

Have I been preparing? Quite simply, no. I think I'm a good enough bullshitter at this point that I should be able to wing it. I know the questions...those trap-setting questions with no right or wrong answer. I'm ready for those.

Basically, my goal is to simply be my normal witty self, throw in a dash of that old church-boy charm that I used to display, and pepper my answers with the latest and greatest business buzzwords.

I've wanted to work for this particular company since I was seven and playing with Legos. Quite frankly, I've been preparing for this interview almost all of my life, so I say BRING IT ON!

I've received inside info that I'm one of the prime candidates (in the top five of fourteen -- originally 55 applicants). That alone makes me feel good enough to be comfortable as I head into the interview.

The Clonazepams will also help me relax.

I feel pretty good about this one. If I fuck it up, I'll be asking myself...

Why? Why? Why?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Why "After Hours"?

Goodness gracious me...

...when I was in my mid to late twenties I was a little party animal. I went to nightclubs, well, nightly. Amazingly, I usually made my way into work, as well. However, if I was off from work the following day, I'd usually head over to freaky and fun "After Hours" parties at different people's humble abodes.

Many of these nights are quite fuzzy memories for me. Niether warm fuzzies, nor cold pricklies. Just a blur. I remember these nights being full of outrageous conversations, even more outrageous sights, and genuine outlandishness and nastiness.

I remember the live DJ set up in someone's living room, spinning the tunes in a Jockstrap.

I remember searching for a restroom, opening a door to see two guys having completely nude hardcore sex while others in the bedroom just sat around watching...only then did I discover the restroom next door where I overheard the following exchange between two shirtless guys:

"So...where's your boyfriend?"

(Opening the bedroom door)

"That's him on the bottom...hi, honey...having fun?"

"Grunt, moan, oh yeah!"

Yes, many interesting "After Hours" events still trickle through my mind. I don't regret the experience of going to them in the slightest. I was a Southern Baptist angel, prior to these life-changing, mind-altering parties.

Yes, I enjoyed the excess.

This past weekend, I was hanging with some friends. They ended up getting a call / invite to an "After Hours" party at someone's house. Was I in? Well, it's been a good five years since I had been to one of these wild events.

You betcher sweet ass I was in.

Once we arrived, I see roughly 15 people trying their best to dance to the stereo thumping with gay vocal house anthems. The ecstacy had obvious taken hold of these kids and they were having a "gay ol' time".

I was, too. Reliving my wild days, it was fun to watch these early twenty-somethings. Well, until they stripped off their shirts.

Holy shit! When did 20-year-olds learn that they needed to work out and have trim, toned, hot bods? Nobody shared this with me when I was that age. I guess Mtv has educated the youth of today, that they best get some style and hot bods, or else. The propaganda obviously works. These boys were a visual feast and emotional orgasm to watch. Delicious.

Then, it happened...reality took hold.

Damn...I'm 35-years-old. While my clothes looked fierce (I love my Diesel "Rookie Rooster" t-shirt) and my hair was a nice spikey euro-mohawk, my body looks like mashed potatoes (Ida Ho'an, I suppose).

What the hell was I doing at these kids' "After Hours"?

With my best friend passed out on the chaise lounge, I began to get down on myself, when I wanted to be going down on one of these tasty little nuggests of Asian / Latin / Almond-skinned sexiness.

Was that going to happen? Hell, no.

I did sit there and discuss my "issues" with the sweetest guy. He just happened to be the host of the party. He was my saving grace for my sanity.

Why did I keep calling him Oscar, when his name was OLIVER?

(God, I'm an ass.)

Friday, October 14, 2005

Why I'm all "hung up" on you...

It hasn't been officially released, yet. But, thanks to Google, I've got it.

I have just downloaded the "Stuart Price Extended Remix" of Madonna's newest single from her "Confessions on a Dancefloor" album, which will be released later this year.

The song is titled, "Hung up".

The genius of Madge is that she knows how to please her fans. She's always on the cutting edge and she does this effortlessly by borrowing ideas from society, life, and others and manages to put everything in a blender. The smoothie that pours out is always flavorful, unique, and ever-so satisfying.

"Hung up" is no exception.

Pouring Agnetha, Benny, Bjorn, and Frida (otherwise known as ABBA, nitwit) into the undertones of the song makes me say "Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie" to my local Virgin Megastore. I do believe that this is one of those CDs that I might have to make the trek to Virgin at midnight on the release date.

It's just that good.

As Madonna always is.

Combining Madonna's newest "Confessions" and the movie version of "RENT" next month...well, November of 2006 is going to be a shit-kicker and I'm going to be a happy fat sprite.

It looks like the unoriginal beginnings of the new millenium are being pushed behind us. Some excitment in the entertainment world is finally returning.

Thanks, Madonna.

Now you know why I will always be devoted to you.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Why am I a train wreck?

I don't know if it's the pending change of the seasons, but October is always a time of huge and drastic life changes for me. Sometimes producing big happy changes and sometimes big ball-busting changes.

In the past, during the month of October, I have:
  • Been terminated from my long-time employer (only to be reinstated two weeks later)
  • Began a five-year relationship with an asshole boyfriend who liked to have a career as a drag queen and adulteror
  • Split up with two boyfriends
  • Moved to new jobs within said company that had terminated me

So, October is a mixed bag, but always "eventful" for me. I both welcome the month with open arms and at the same time fear what metaphoric Halloween horrors might be waiting to scare me.

October 2005 has already been quite a roller-coaster ride...with much more to come.

Twelve days into the month and here's what's happened:

  • My boyfriend has gone through much grief when his sister's family was injured in one of the bombings in Bali
  • My current "boss" has announced he is leaving for a new role
  • I've made a new, close friend

Fearing the unknown outcome, here are some big events that remain:

  • Beny's Political Asylum court date next week. You know, the date that an INS Judge determines whether I get to keep my partner in this country...
  • An interview for a new role with the branch of my large company that I have wanted to be a part of since childhood. They are a creative bunch, and millions will experience their creativity for years.

So as you can see, I'm elated and utterly terrified. A train wreck.

Why, I believe this month should be called, Shocktober.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Why is it so promising?

My new favorite show is on tonight.

Commander in Chief.

Geena Davis has done a wonderful job playing an amazingly strong, human, compassionate, and genuine "President of the United States".

If only life imitated art...for realsies.

We could use someone like her character, Mackenzie Allen, in the White House, like yesterday.

Just like President Allen, ABC is surprising people with their most recent change to this show. While the show is already a success with television audiences and critics, ABC has decided to bring in Steven Bochco as one of the show's producers. Steven Bochco is responsible for 'NYPD Blue' and some other shows.

Why mess with success?

Hopefully, the show will keep running on it's same intricately crafted cylinders...

...along with my other favorite new show...


This show is odd in a 'Lost' way, but not as over the top when it comes to plopping oddities in the viewer's lap. I mean, polar bears in the jungle?

I'm lost.

I gave up on that particular show about five or six episodes into the first season...long before they discovered the metal hatch.

Invasion on the other hand is slightly predictable, but has some interesting characters that are intertwined in conspiracy and life-changing alien posession.

What surprises me most about this show is that one of the producers and writers is Shaun Cassidy. The Hardy Boy has made it into the big leagues.

Of course, if I had written and created such a show, I'm sure it never would see the light of day. But, if I was a teen heart-throb in the 1970's like Shaun Cassidy...well, I guess my project would get a green light.

Ain't Hollywood funny?

Anyway...if you haven't checked out these two new shows, please do. They are showing promise.

Now then...

...why is Desperate Housewives sucking this season?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Why? What's the point?

WARNING: Not my usual "fluffy" self today.

My partner, Beny, dealt with some rough news last night from his homeland, Indonesia.

My role as him and console him during the challenging blow that he was dealing with...'s the story:

For those of you that don't watch the news or keep up with world events, you might not know about this.

A few days ago, there were two suicide bombings that took place at two seperate resorts in the tourist/resort area of Bali, Indonesia. One bomb was detonated at an outdoor beachside restaurant in the Jimaran Resort. The other inside a restaurant at the Kuta Resort.

Naturally, these bombs were part of a planned attack by moronic Islamic extremists. The attacks were designed to kill the many Australian, New Zeland, and Eurpoean tourists that frequent this resort area.

These bombings come on the third anniversary of the huge bombing that killed approximately 200 people in a crowded nightclub in Bali.

So, that's the news.

Why was Beny so upset? The news got worse...on a personal level.

Sunday evening was one of Beny's sister's birthday. Beny called her over and over throughout the day to wish her a "Happy Birthday". When she wouldn't answer her cell phone, Beny was pretty confused and concerned.

So, he called his Mother, who also did not answer her cell phone. Sensing something was "wrong", he didn't know what to do.

He kept calling and calling, until it was too late in the evening and he had to go to bed.

Last night, he resumed his phone calls to his sister.

Last night, she answered the phone. However, she couldn't hear him.

To celebrate her birthday, Beny's sister and her husband and kids (ages 4 and 7) decided to take a "getaway" vacation away from their hometown in Surabaya.

Their destination? You guessed it...Bali.

Where were they around 8pm for dinner when one of those assholes decided to blow themselves up in the name of Allah? You guessed it, again...the restaurant at the Kuta Resort.

Here is an innocent family of four having a birthday dinner in a beautiful resort town, suddenly engulfed in chaos as a selfish idiot mother fucker decides to stroll FOUR METERS from their table and blow his dumb shit self into pieces so he can get to heaven as a Martyr.

The news was devastating.

But, like I said...Beny's sister answered the phone. Unfortunately, she kept screaming, "I can't hear you!" and one of Beny's other sisters did most of the communicating as she sat beside their injured sibling.

The "birthday girl" is in the hospital with severely damaged hearing. She's alive.

The husband had four pieces of metal/shrapnel embedded in his skin. Three were removed. One, still deep in his stomach/side. His hearing is also severely damaged. He's alive.

The children. Also alive.

Thankfully, Mister "I'll get 88 Virgins and then wish I had a whore in heaven" wasn't succesful in taking these lives. However, he was successful in killing and injuring many others.

The doctors say that Beny's family members SHOULD regain most of their hearing in about three months.

So that's the story.

Why do we live in such a world?