Friday, September 30, 2005

Why am I so scared?

I was up too late last night.

Surprisingly, I don't feel rotten today. It's a miracle that I didn't wake up in my normal hangover haze.

However, I am very weak. Physically, not emotionally.

After work, I'm heading to Halloween Horror Nights: Tales of Terror at Universal Orlando. Beny and I had a great time at this event last year and I'm really jazzed to go tonight.

What's going to make it extra fun (I hope), is that we are taking Jeanny to this and she's already terrified. It's a whole fear of the unknown thing for her, plus her fear of scarey movies. She has no idea what to expect. I'm certain that she's going to be terrified.

I'll get to exercise my Shadenfruede (laughing at the misfortune of others).

But, why am I so scared?

It's not really that I'm scared. It's more like I'm afraid...or worried. Worried that I'm going to be so fatigued after lack of sleep that I'm not going to enjoy my full money value of the event tonight.

Then again, once I get some liquor in me at Universal Orlando, I should be a-ok.

Why, I just can't wait.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I've been a RENT-head long before I even first saw the show this past July in NYC.

RENT's music is extremely brilliant, thanks to the amazingly talented Jonathan Larson. He's no longer with us, but his music lives on.

Prior to my seeing RENT in July, I merely plopped in the CD and drove around singing those catchy songs. I never really pondered the emotion, soul, and meanings of many of them (not to mention the cleverness) until I finally saw the show live on stage (...and yes, Frenchie Davis was in my cast.)

The show really hit home.

Relevant to me as a gay man. As an occasionally "Kate Moss sniffer" (wink). As an employee of a company that makes me always wonder, "How am I gonna pay...this year's rent, next year's rent...?"

I laughed at the show when I saw it. I was wowed by the energy. I desperately held back tears as Angel died, Maureen and Joanne had their scuffle, and Mimi and Mark struggled to admit their love for each other -- despite their secret.

But, my biggest RENT moment came to me in the privacy of my home.

No one home at the condo. I pulled out the piano bench. Plopped open the RENT sheet music. I hammered out many tunes as I had always done before.

Then, I slowed down one of the faster songs and began to weep as I sang...
"And when you're living in America, at the end of the millenium, you're what you own..."

I don't own very much...and it's not really about having it all anyway. I'd be happy with a car that has functioning air-conditioning all of the time instead of 40% of the time.

It wasn't that verse that made me weep for the superficialness of it. Nor was it the vapid and shallow fact I just mentioned about my worldly possessions.

What really tore me up was when I kept tickling the ivories and delved deeper into the song...

...Dying in America
At the end of the millenium

We're dying in America
To come into our own
And when you're dying in America
At the end of the millenium
You're not alone

I'm not alone

I'm not alone

Jonathan Larson wrote those lyrics at roughly the same age as I am now. He knew the awkward times and challenges of being a struggling thirty-something. When I played and sang those lyrics slowly...almost as a ballad...everything hit me hard.

I realized that as much as I struggle, as much as I feel like I'm going through this life all by my lonesome, I'm not alone.

I have amazingly caring (albeit sometimes over-caring) parental units. I've got a loving partner who takes damn good care of me. I have dear friends who have moved across the country. Heck, I've even friends in other countries who I am certain still cherish me as much as I cherish them.

I looked over at my dog, Chopstick, as I was realizing that life isn't hopeless. His confused and adoring eyes looking up at me as I wept.

I'm surrounded by love.

Why, I could see it in his eyes.

Side note: The film version of RENT comes out in theaters in November 23rd. Give thanks this Thanksgiving and GO SEE IT!

Another side note: The soundtrack for the film is released TODAY...I can't wait to buy my copy after work!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Why am I young again?

It's a fact.

I'm passing my prime with the all of the typical tell-tale signs.

The gut is getting bigger. The "Secretarial Spread" has reached my posterior. My mind is already 34! My friends are dwindling, as our interests/maturity levels are skewing.

It's an interesting time.

However, I've been surprised by something the past week. I've actually made a new friend. She's breathing laughter and energy back into my life.

Her name is Jeanny. (She's actually my boyfriend's best friend of ten years.)

She's sweet, funny, and very compatible with my personality. She even commented to me yesterday that she thinks it's crazy that she's getting along better with me than she is with Beny.

What has been a joy for me, is that I'm able to try to show off Orlando and the things that make me satisfied living in O-town. She's enjoying it.

In the next few weeks I plan to take her to go on the "trippy" old-people 'Winter Park Scenic Boat Tour' and to the gorgeous 'Bok Tower and Gardens'.

However, this weekend I get to pop her "Disney Cherry". This girl has never been inside of a Disney theme park -- or ANY theme park for that matter. I'm going to get to witness a "first-timer" and I know that it will make me feel young again.

Life is good.

Why, I might just take her to Universal Studios, too.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Why monorail?

Last weekend I had a fantastic time hanging out with my life-long best friend, Donna. We met at Downtown Disney late in the day out behind the House of Blues.

We popped inside for a Long Island and went back outside to the fun bouncy metal chairs along Lake Buena Vista.

Soaking in the witty banter and the relaxing view of Saratoga Springs, along with slurping on the Long Island....well, I was tremendously relaxed and happy.

The happiness continued as we drove up to 'the Wedding Pavilion' and walked along the shore of the Seaven Seas Lagoon over to the Polynesian Resort -- home to the 'Lapu Lapu' -- a luscious drink for lushes served in a hollowed out pineapple. Completely yummy.

Happily bouncing our way over to the monorail, we headed to the Contemporary Resort, which isn't all that "contemporary", but I hear that Disney is working on that with a current refurbishment.

We bellied up to the bar at the "Outer Rim" lounge. It's a name that I am sure was coined to invoke some sort of Saturn/Space/Contemporary feel, but to me always provides a chuckle as I think of the nastiest of sex acts.

'Deeg' the coolest "older" lady bartender that always remembers me everytime I visit and took great care of me and Donna with some excellent conversation and excellent drinks. (We won't mention the omissions from the bill -- whoops!)

We boarded the monorail for the return trip back to the Polynesian, where we went out by th quiet pool and chit-chatted some more. Watching the Brazilian boys in their late-teens and minimal bathing suits in the pool -- a delightful bonus.

The next evening, Donna dropped by my house and told me how wonderful the night was on our monorail ride/drinkfest. She described as "therapuetic". I couldn't agree more.

There is nothing better than spending time enjoying the company of one of your cherished friends. They help you work through your issues, inspire you to follow your dreams, and keep you laughing.

I'm hoping that this weekend, Donna finds time to either do a re-run of last weekend, or something completely different. Regardless of what happens, I am so happy and blessed to have her in my life. She's been there through all of my horrible relationships, parental unit worries, financial woes, and more.

Why can't all "friends" be like that?

Friday, September 02, 2005

Why chaos?

Nobody can explain WHY things have turned so ugly as a result of Hurricane Katrina. The aftermath of this storm is now ripping at the moral fiber of our country (if it still exists).

Our "President" is still wearing his damn smirk and spouting John Wayne quotes for the press...meanwhile he (and his buddies) are smirking all the way to the bank as the entire country shells out more for their oil companies.

Meanwhile, back in N'Awlins...people are dying and just as the Mayor of the Crescent City and the Govenor of Louisiana have said...the Feds are sitting on their asses and aren't doing enough FAST ENOUGH.

The race card has been issued. I'll never buy this argument. Believe me. I care about these people the same as I did for the Asians in the Tsunami. These are PEOPLE and they are living in HELL.

Some of them are looting. Well, according to the press, the 'black ones' are looting, the 'white ones' are finding supplies for survival. IS chaos.

Luckily, for my family...all my family members in New Orleans metro have been found safe and alive. Their homes -- moderately damaged, but still standing and flood-free. I thank God for this.

For a dead-on reaction to everything that is occurring, please visit Linda Sharp's blog, and see WHY she is one of the most thoughtful and insightful people around.

You'll see why...

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Why Katrina?

I have learned that my Aunt & Uncle's house in Mandeville is "ok".

My four cousin's homes in the New Orleans area: three "ok", one "uncertain".

One of my cousin's eldest daughter "missing".

When I think of all the petty whining I did awhile back regarding my "rocky road", my trials seemed huge. What the citizens of the "New Atlantis" are experiencing is incomprehensible, depressing, and severe.

CARE International is my personal charity organization of choice, but at this time I URGE for each and every one of us to make a contribution to either the American Red Cross OR the United Way.

Why, it's the least you could do to help.