Monday, August 15, 2005

Why 'Rocky Road'?

I've always been a big fan of 'Cheesecake' Ice Cream. Lately, however, I've been sampling a heaping pile of 'Rocky Road'.

My relationship with Beny has been in a really 'bad place' for the past few weeks.

Beny has been utilizing his 'Creamery' to turn my heart into 'Cold Stone'. Or perhaps it's his sneaking and cheating that has morphed his little plastic heart into one of 'Cold Stone'.

Whatever the case, I've recieved some info that he's been unfaitful on a regular basis.

The 'Rocky Road' got even rockier yesterday, as he decided to book us into the Ritz-Carlton Spa for a Ruby Red Grapefruit massage treatment. This was to be his nice little surprise for me, but was a blantent attempt to mask the guilt and infidelity he thought I knew nothing about.

I enjoyed the spa experience, but please don't tell him, k?

It was the 'after party' that sucked. Licking my pride off of the waffle cone, I let on to him that I had been worried about his recent exploits...without him knowing that I knew there were many more than he had ever shared with me.

Basically, I laid down "the law". I demanded that he stop his current path or that he will take the relationship down the 'Rocky Road' with a 'no outlet' sign.

I also told him that if he continued to do what he is doing, then I will be forced to play the 'lets see who can cheat on the other most' game...and that the relationship will surely be non-existent.

I urged him to consider his actions and the fact that I have lost respect in him and that he needs to re-earn my respect.

It's when he blames his behavior on MY behavior during the first TWO WEEKS of our FOUR YEAR relationship that I balked at him...

..."That's a flimsy and pathetic excuse that I no longer accept as viable. I have already pleaded for your forgiveness for my actions during that time, and you have supposedly forgiven me. If that's the case, you can't use that as an argument anymore. Dismissed."

Then I alerted him that his actions are recent and that they neglect the emotional investment that we have shared for four years. This is where I have the upper-hand.

I told him that I wasn't sure if I could forgive him. I also told him that if he keeps up his current "covert activites"...well, he better simply be careful. I don't know what my reaction would be if I discover more of this crap, but if I do, I'm going to turn on my most brutal attacks.

Retaliation can feel good. In situations like this, it feels horrible.

I only pray that he really thinks about what his actions are doing to the relationship. I also pray that his stone cold heart warms up to the fact that I love him. It's up to him at this point to make the change.

I've been "used" by too many of my ex's for comfort, security, etc. to allow another to use me again.

I've told him this from the beginning of our relationship. If he wants to use an action from the beginning of our relationship to justify his lack of ability to control his cock and hole...then, I will remind him of the fact that I told him from the beginning that I will not allow anyone to 'use' me ever agian.

He will be the one who will feel used. Especially when he realizes what he is throwing away.

Why do I trust anyone?


Anonymous The Peach said...

DISMISSED! AMEN TO THAT! I am tired of these gay men bringing up the past into the actions of today! Pull up your big girl panties and DEAL!


10:22 PM


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