Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Why I hate "Hidden Mickeys"

A little history for those not "in the know"...

The Disney official history goes like this: Hidden Mickeys started in the late 1980's in Epcot as an inside joke among the Imagineers. Hiding Mickey around Walt Disney World was just plain fun. Because of the popularity of Hidden Mickeys, Imagineers are encouraged to place them in new construction.

Some more memorable Hidden Mickeys include:
  • In the riverboat scene near the end of the Splash Mountain ride is the cloud Hidden Mickey (lying on his back) on the wall to the right.
  • In the large mural at the Maelstrom loading dock in the Norway pavilion is a small viking ship full of "brave vikings". Look viking is wearing Mickey Mouse Ears on his head.
  • The full body image of Mickey painted in the mural (in the green “broccoli-like” tissue) above the entrance to Body Wars at Epcot.

Hidden Mickeys are fun to spot. So much so, that there are now books that exist that can help you locate them throughout the Disney theme parks.

When I served my time as a personal "slaveboy" for celebrities and VIPs as a Walt Disney World VIP Tour Guide, I enjoyed occasionally pointing out some of these Hidden Mickeys to my tours and introducing them to the "secret" world of Hidden Mickeys.

It's the whole...I like let me let you into our "inner-circle". It was always a big-win while on tour.

However, now-a-days, the phenomena has gotten extremely out of hand.

People now swear they see Hidden Mickeys all over the place. Some of these so-called Hidden Mickeys are patently ridiculous.

You think that the three rust stains from a stantion post being moved around is a Hidden Mickey? Um, no.

Let me give some example via links...

Here's a REAL Hidden Mickey:

That one is from Tokyo Disneyland and is quite intentional from the Disney Imagineers.

Now here's one of the absurd ones:

Do you see anything remotely similar to the REAL Hidden Mickey? Me neither. This is wear my pissed-off-itude motor begins revving.

I see pots and kitchen utensils, but no "Big Cheese". Not even a Cheese Grater!

But, Hidden Mickey Hunters pull this crap all of the time.

"Oh! I found a Hidden Mickey!"

"Look, there's one!"

Um, no...that cactus doesn't even look like Mickey Mouse. If you are on drugs, please share them. The Imagineers didn't plan that one and it isn't legitimate. Get a life and stop trying so damn hard to find a freaking Mickey Mouse in everything you see. No, that turd you just flushed looked nothing like a cartoon mouse. Please seek help.

Wait...I'm wrong. I confesss. The cucumber on your plate really IS a Hidden Mickey (or a not so hidden one). You see, Disney actually IS gentically mutating vegetables at Epcot's "the Land" pavilion to grow in the traditional Mickey shape. No lie!

This is getting out of hand.

As much as I love my sweet nephew, Kyle, and my Sister-In-Law...these two are the worst offenders in the "I see one! I found one!" Hidden Mickey hunt.

I've gotten to the point where I have turned down trips to the theme parks with them mainly because I didn't want to be the "expert" to approve or reject their fucked-up Hidden Mickey submissions.

Me: "Can't we just enjoy the Jungle Cruise and listen to the finely crafted spiel rather than interrupt the "Jungle Skipper" by declaring that you've found another one?" Pretty please.

This is a phenomenon that I no longer enjoy. The cute little "wink" that the Imagineers started in the 1980's has become something I abhore.

"There are two more Hidden Mickeys: On the Poster opposite the control room (above the stairs) in the loading area ("Baltimore Gun Club") there are 3 cannon balls on the right and on the left forming an upside-down Mickey"

See them for yourself at the link below, and you will also see, WHY I SIMPLY CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Why am I "high"?

Recreational substances can be fun.

Don't argue with me -- just go with me. I've had a great time being "high" in the past.

Luckily, my NEW "high" has been defined. "High definition", I guess one could say.

I've been on an LSD "acid trip" for the past three days as I Ooo-and-Ahh over my new high definition television. I've watched everything from a tour of Naples (Italy, not Florida), a "Stormchaser" IMAX film, something about beavers (the animal, not the organ), to even Nascar races and Boxing.

To steal the McDonald's phrase: I'm lovin' it.

This morning I had the opportunity to get ready for work while watching the LIVE Space Shuttle launch preparations in High Definition.

Simply stunning.

(I should have been more proactive and purchased the Digital Video Recorder so I could've watched the actual launch in HD later this evening.)

I did, however, have the opportunity to step outside my office at 10:39am and watch the lift-off with my own stereoscopic eyes. But, it wasn't nearly as high definition as my HDTV.

WHY do I forsee myself forgoing LIVE fireworks displays this New Year's Eve to stay home and watch the festivities around the world on my TV? Well, the answer: because I'm already looking forward to seeing that beautiful shit!

Speaking of beautiful shit...okay, no shit is actually beautiful...just go with me -- again.

This guy, Michael Kelley, has a great blog called, "The Skinny Tie Report". The beautiful shit on his site in the past few days is a magnificent trip down memory lane for me. He tackles the earth-shaping technologies of Colorforms, Shrinky Dinks, and Lite Brite. It's a must see for anyone in their early to mid thirties!

Here's a link:

Make sure you see the hilarious and skillfully Photoshopped "City of Orlando" Colorforms set (including Livstrong Bracelets!! Eeeeeek!)

betamike IS my new hero.

Also peachy on the web is the high definition mind of Miss Hill. That's Brian Hill. He's taking jabs on all things Peachy and not-so-Peachy. Find out why he's no peach:

Finally, the SHARPest in high definition clarity when it comes to observing our fucked-up world, the hilarious and accurate Linda Sharp.

She's an accomplished author, often hailed as the new Erma Bombeck.

Now, I'm not too sure if she actually likes this title, but I'm sure she'd enjoy knowing that my Mom shoved my face into many a Bombeck article clipped and posted on our fridge. Often an article humorously detailing the challenges of cleaning up piss splatters on the toilet or dealing with the stupidity of loving spouses or the joys of raising kids without skinning them alive.

Miss Linda can be read here:

The vivid images on my HDTV and the vividly sharp creative friends I have are truly a blessing to me. No longer "in a funk" like I was a week ago, I have realized that I have many things to be happy about. I have clever and caring friends with inspiring blogs, a kick-ass piece of technology in my living room, and certainty that today...

...I'm high on life.

Why, I am fine, thank you.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Why am I in this state? Chapter 2

This time, I am talking about Florida.

After visiting New York City for a mere five days, I have concluded that Florida is no longer "for me".

I'm working a job that no longer has any excitement or appeal. Maybe it is that the company that I work for seems lackluster and zest-less these days.

Maybe I am finally growing up and the "magic" has disappeared or dispersed to beaurocracy and bullshit.

Orlando has become predictable beyond belief.

While I admire the vast array of "Downtown Redevelopment" now under construction in downtown Orlando, it's simply not enough to give me a sense of "belonging".

When I hear of the feable attempts at constructing a mass-transit rail system in the Central Florida area, I get disgusted.

When I think about our "Performing Arts" community, I can't figure out why things are so lackluster. There's so much great talent in this town, however, there simply isn't a budget for it, a community want for it, or dedicated state-of-the-art space for it. These poor talents are left to give their all for many tepid responses.

Wake up Orlando! Wake up Florida!

This state has no cohesion. Our Govenor...don't get me started. It's a state that is oversaturated and has no identity and Dubba's bother ain't helpin' matters.

New York City...while oversaturated...has an identity and it has made me feel alive in this lifeless town.

Yes, I do not have a sense of belonging living here anymore. My heart and soul that once belong to making "magic" now belongs to New York City.

Will I move there and feel more lonely than ever before? Will I get lost in the even more massive crowd? Will I be in financial ruin? Will I be able to afford to keep up with fashion? Will I be able to shell out $200 clams to see the latest and greatest on Broadway? Will I find "real" people in New York?

As usual, I never have the answers, but I make up for that with questions.

I'm feeling it. I'm hearing "New York City Boy" in my head 24/7.

So, what I'm discovering is that I'm craving a new chapter for my life. This tired old tale has become mundane and predictable as Orlando itself.

I have recently been evaluating the pros and cons of selling my condo and moving to NYC vs. renting out my condo and taking out a new mortgage in NYC.

I have been posting for a wide variety of jobs in NYC. Surely I'm not fully qualified to do any of them, but that's what happens when you devote your life to a theme park. But, as unpredictable as life unpredictable as NYC is...I have hope that something interesting can come out of all of this.

I know that there's some middle-manager up there somewhere that will look at my resume and think, "That's a very unique set of qualifications."

Then NYC might give me a chance to show...

...why I am so unique.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Why am I in this "state"?

No. Not Florida. I'll have to save my rant on this whacked-out state of Florida for another day.

I'm referring to my current "emotional" state.

I've been feeling weak, emotional, and vulnerable.

I'm not sure what "place" or "state" I am in right now. This uncertainty has left me feeling very out-of-sorts. I'm not even sure who I actually am these past few days.

I think I owe my recent vacation to a portion of this "state". That city so nice they named it twice showed me that there is much more out there than living in this artifical city of Orlando. A city that is leaving me to feel as artifical as it truly is. A city lacking in "real-ness". A city full of people that think they are ever-so-metropolitan, but in actuality...they are Lakelanders with nicer clothing.

The void was filled for me in NYC. Now that I have returned, the void has reopened.

But, the void has grown even deeper...approaching Grand Canyon proportions when it comes to the status of my relationship with Beny.

There are some terrible dynamics occuring. The frequency of the infidelity (from both sides) and the divide between us is growing so rapidly that I can't keep up. I'm feeling emotionally bankrupt. I am feeling "wrong" for not caring. I'm feeling "right" on the off-occasions when I do "care".

The honeymoon is over. The threesomes have lead to "secrets". I have uncovered at least one secret per week for the last three weeks.

That's not a good track record.

Naturally, I have secrets of my own.

Franky has moved in to our house (condo). I'm happy about it. He seems to be in an emotional state where I was 3 1/2 years ago. Single, lonely, and looking for "someone to come home to". Well, now I'm in the odd position of being that "someone". I'm also in the odd position of enjoying it. Especially since Beny is never really there for me to "come home to" anymore. I'm lucky if he looks up from the laptop to even recognize my arrival.

But, I can't commit to Franky. Hello. I'm in a relationship. But, I want to commit to him. I really like him. I'm hesitant, however, because I haven't known him long enough to know what I would be getting into with him.

I want to fill his void(s) (Yes...that void, too. Pervert.)

But, the challenge is that I genuinely love Beny so much. We've been through so much. We've worked so hard to make our relationship work. It's been a good run. I can't see my relationship with him ever going away. There's a feeling in me that regardless of whatever unconventional situations we place ourselves in together (or even seperately), we will be there for each other.

I'm pretty convinced of that. I know that we are meant to be a "couple", until "death do us part". I know this. I feel this. I believe this.

So, I should feel full of life. I should feel full of love. But, I don't. I can't.

There's some dynamic occuring that is causing me to question everything: my existence, my job, my relationship, my motives, my desires, etc. Why is this happening to me? Why am I being such a whiny pussy?

My cup...overflowing with emotion.

My "state"...confused and as blank as a Will Smith "I, Robot".

Have Asian nanites corrupted my system? Have I taken a "back seat" to my life in the past few months, allowing everything to veer off in the wrong direction?

I'm not sure.

I'm sure that even with all of this uncertainty...I'm calm. Only time and open communication can solve these issues.

And, the dialogue must start within myself. It's only then can I discover...

...why I feel this way.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Why, oh why?

New York City was simply magnificent.

I truly didn't want to leave and I was fully exhausted from go-go-going non-stop for five days.

Did lots of great shopping.

Had the best burger of my life ($12) at Porter's in Chelsea.

Stumbled back to the hotel drunk numerous times and still managed to wake up early enough to get movin' all over again.

The cast of "Rent" was stellar with strong and control voices. They moved me to I expected them to do. Perhaps it was Jonathan Larson's brilliance shining through that truly touched my soul as I was enveloped in the Bohemian way of life?

La Vie Boheme!

La Vie Mr. Larson...a talented life snuffed out way too soon.

Saw the "Naked Cowboy" in Times Square...and managed to remain flaccid. If it were the "Naked Chinese Zheng Player" instead...the egg roll might have been in a Cialis state.

Went out to a screamingly good time at the enormous and incredible "The Rambles at The Park" (located at 10th Ave & W. 17th St.) and managed to down plenty of "Long Islands" AND see the "Long Island" of a stripper on the bar and another in the men's room. Good times. (Bonus for having smoking areas in the bar! No other club had I entered had this as an option.)

Low points:
  • The staff at the Empire State Building--NEVER AGAIN!
  • The Flatiron Building under "wraps" for refurbishment...ruining my photo op.
  • Making the mistake of not going back for another amazing Porter's burger.
  • Not being able to afford/score tickets to any of the other shows I was hoping to see. If you must know, these include: The Lion King, Wicked, Avenue Q, The 29th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.
  • The limited operation of the subway during the 4th of July weekend. I expected the trains to be slightly more frequent.

So, the overall opinion of NYC and my trip there...

...I applied for a position with ABC News, with the hopes of moving into this amazing universe that is New York City. I simply couldn't get enough of it.

People say that I would get sick of living there...I'm not so sure. I think I've always had some New York or even L.A. in me somewhere. Most likely because I've been a television junkie all of my life.

But, the 'Sex and the City' girls make the best points for living and existing in New York, I'll finish with their amazing words:

Samantha: I'm always surprised when anyone leaves New York. I mean, where do they go?

Miranda: The real world?

Samantha: A homeless man showed me his dick on the way here. It doesn't get any realer than that.


Carrie: New York City is all about sex. People getting it, people trying to get it, people who can't get it. No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid.


Big: I'm tired of New York.

Carrie: If you're tired, you take a napa, you don't move to Napa.


Miranda: Why do I think living in Manhattan is so fantastic?

Carrie: Because it is.