Monday, June 20, 2005

Why Zoloft?

My typical answer to virtually any "feel good" pharmaceutical: Why not?

I've been taking Zoloft off-and-on for the past few weeks. It's a Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI), which is supposed to make depressed people a little bit happier.

Is it working? Well, considering the trembling and the racing thoughts are a good thing, it's working. If strange "vibes" creep in and out of my head are also a good thing, it's working. Throw in a minor case of nausea, yawning, and the ability to get shit done quickly and it's quite an interesting way to feel a bit happier.

Now, this past weekend, I didn't take the little blue pill. I ended up in a funk that was in the lower doldrums of funkiness. I ended up sleeping in day long siestas for most of the day on Saturday and Sunday.

I remember that during my previously single days (pre-Beny), I would get into this same funk. Sleeping became a full-time job and I aligned with going out to clubs to snag me a man. The difference now is that I've got a man, and when I'm sleeping all the time, my "supervisor" doesn't like it too much, ya know?

But, what's a 34-year-old washed up fag to do? I'm not getting younger. I never made my "goal" to have my body in shape for Gay Days. I'm not too crazy about my dead-end job.

So, this morning I resumed taking my Zoloft.

I really don't think the Zoloft is going to help. It's time for this tripaway2day dude to stop whining and relying on SSRI devices and do something to better himself.

Just like Celine Dion, it's "A New Day" for me. (Of course, I'd be alot happier if my "New Day" aligned more closely with hers, but that'll never happen.)

I'm going to do it. I'm going to be motivated. I'm going to officially start working out...replacing my nightly nightcaps with exercise. Eating better with smaller portions.

The new goal for "A New Day", is to look better...not just for Gay Day, but for myself. Hopefully, this will help me to not waste my days away relying on little blue pills, vodka, sleep marathons, or any other excuse to be "happy".

It's all up to me.

I've tried to jump start this routine before and failed.

Why do Personal Trainers cost so damn much?


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