Friday, June 24, 2005

Why am I spreadin' the news?

Because I'm leaving next Thursday...for New York City.

And, why is it that I can never say "New York City" without actually hearing those cowboys from the PACE Picante Sauce commercials? That's some smart advertising!

Anyway, back to me...and well, Beny, too...we're taking our first "real" trip together ever and have decided on New York City (fucking cowboys...STOP IT!) mainly because it's Beny's biggest desire to see NYC (that's better) while he's here in America.

Then, last night, Beny reveals that the big driving factor for him to see NYC isn't to see NYC at all. No, he wants to go to NYC to buy shoes.

You heard me correctly...shoes!

So, I'm spending a mountain of change so that he can buy shoes!

It's all good, however...as I haven't been to NYC (God, it's so much better saying NYC) since I was in the seventh or eighth grade. That was a church mission trip. That's right...I used to go on mission trips! So, needless to say, I enjoyed NYC, but didn't have the opportunity to delve into the seediness of NYC.

You can "Betcher bottom dollar..." that I'll be having some real experiences in NYC this time.

Nightclubs, Broadway Shows, Bathhouses, Sex Clubs, and Shoe-Shopping.

Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. CAN wait.

Hopefully, I have an event-filled trip report to share. Until then, say a prayer fo me, okay? I'm a little nervous about flying on July 4th, but since I'm going AWAY from NYC that day, I should be okay...I hope.

I think it's going to be beautiful flying over the East Coast of the USA on the Fourth of July, viewing fireworks from the air.

This has been a long time comming for me. Thanks to all of you for letting me express my excitement! Of course, if you know who I have to blow to get into see Wicked, please email me. And, if you know who I need to blow to score some blow, email me with that, too. Kidding, of course. (Or am I?)

All of this travel on a shoestring budget makes me wonder:

Why not Vegas?

Monday, June 20, 2005

Why Zoloft?

My typical answer to virtually any "feel good" pharmaceutical: Why not?

I've been taking Zoloft off-and-on for the past few weeks. It's a Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI), which is supposed to make depressed people a little bit happier.

Is it working? Well, considering the trembling and the racing thoughts are a good thing, it's working. If strange "vibes" creep in and out of my head are also a good thing, it's working. Throw in a minor case of nausea, yawning, and the ability to get shit done quickly and it's quite an interesting way to feel a bit happier.

Now, this past weekend, I didn't take the little blue pill. I ended up in a funk that was in the lower doldrums of funkiness. I ended up sleeping in day long siestas for most of the day on Saturday and Sunday.

I remember that during my previously single days (pre-Beny), I would get into this same funk. Sleeping became a full-time job and I aligned with going out to clubs to snag me a man. The difference now is that I've got a man, and when I'm sleeping all the time, my "supervisor" doesn't like it too much, ya know?

But, what's a 34-year-old washed up fag to do? I'm not getting younger. I never made my "goal" to have my body in shape for Gay Days. I'm not too crazy about my dead-end job.

So, this morning I resumed taking my Zoloft.

I really don't think the Zoloft is going to help. It's time for this tripaway2day dude to stop whining and relying on SSRI devices and do something to better himself.

Just like Celine Dion, it's "A New Day" for me. (Of course, I'd be alot happier if my "New Day" aligned more closely with hers, but that'll never happen.)

I'm going to do it. I'm going to be motivated. I'm going to officially start working out...replacing my nightly nightcaps with exercise. Eating better with smaller portions.

The new goal for "A New Day", is to look better...not just for Gay Day, but for myself. Hopefully, this will help me to not waste my days away relying on little blue pills, vodka, sleep marathons, or any other excuse to be "happy".

It's all up to me.

I've tried to jump start this routine before and failed.

Why do Personal Trainers cost so damn much?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Why java?

Who knew coffee at work could be so much fun? Well, many people obviously do. But, none of them seem to have nearly as much fun as I, once I down my caffine.

I arrive semi-promptly at 8:30am every day. For some odd reason, my PC takes a whopping 15 minutes to boot-up. (Could it be all of my "cookies"?)

During the 15 minutes of startup time, I head to the "kitchen" to pour my cup of coffee. Four packets of Sweet & Low and two French Vanilla CoffeMate creamers...because I'm sure you were just dying to know.

Another five minutes for me to wait for my coffee to cool a wee bit.

8:45am-8:50am...cruising through the politically correct nonsense in my Outlook Inbox and slurping away at my brew.

Then it happens...I'm all caught up on eamils and the coffee kicks in.

Smart-assiness begins to ooze from my every pore and I begin to harass my co-workers on whatever inane topic I can come up with. Today it was "I got it at Ross".

A new Ross opened up near my home in Hunter's Crick and in typical Ross fashion (and Kissimmee proximity fashion) the place has already been trashed by those folks who are moving up from Miami/down from NYC.

I'm not naming the demographic here, but...these people cause me to be fRICAN out at how my "Desperate Wives" surburbia is quickly being converted to a TeleNovella ala Univision.

Speaking of which, Disney has agreed to allow a latin remake of their "Desperate Houswives" for the Latin market...provided they air the original ABC episodes first.

Well, as you can see...the coffee has kept me from sticking to one coherent thought this morning...so allow me to travel to the next rift in my space-time continuum...

..."A Dirty Shame".

This is John Waters' latest film, and it's a fabulous take on the many facets of the Right-wing/Left-wing devide that is happing in our country today. The Right-wingers are cast as "Neuters": Those 'normal' people who think that sex is horrible and nasty. The Left-wingers declare, "Let's get sexin'!"

It's an ode to Janet Jackson's tit and every goofy sexual fetish ever invented.

To hear "Neuter Mardge" exclaim, "It's not safe out there! People are shaving their crotches as we speak. There's pubic hair in the air!"...well, you know you've got a film that is brilliant and somehow overlooked by the "Academy".

The film is now available on DVD and I proudly picked up my NC-17 copy yesterday as it went on sale.

Topic-travelling again...

...my poor, sweet Beny has just been offered the job as a Spa Manager with Mandara Spa here in Orlando (Portofino Bay at Universal and later this fall at the Walt Disney World Swan and Dolphin Resort).

I'm so happy for him...

...BUT...

...the INS has declined his work authorization which expires mid-July.

So, he has the job of his dreams lined up and can't take it until his lawyer straightens shit out with the INS.

Should I be jumping up and down celebrating, or crying here? What's a husband to do?

Why does life have to be so shitty to good people, like Beny?

Friday, June 10, 2005

Why Karma?

What comes around, goes around. Right?

After visiting Orlando's newest gay neighborhood bar, named Karma, I am a firm believer in karma.

This place has numerous nuances of one of my original early-90s stomping grounds, named Uncle Walt's.

Uncle Walt's was a "neighborhood" gay bar in the middle of Orlando's International Drive. An area lacking in the neighborhood department, but overflowing in the tourism department.

One of my favorite features of Uncle Walt's (besides the name, which is a wink to Mr. Disney) was the giant piece of grafitti-esque "art" that lowered from vertical to horizontal by motors and chains to become the stage for the drag queens. This mechanism always wow-ed me.

The place had the typical gay neighborhood bar vibe. I always love that. Because getting my "drink on" can be serious business. Why do I need to guzzle Long Islands in a place where self absorbed 20-somethings might spill my Tea? The answer: I don't. That was the appeal of Uncle Walt's, for me anyway. I loved Uncle Walt's for the delight of getting Tea-totaled and laughing it up with those cherished friends.

Uncle Walt's is no more. It's gone to join the real Uncle Walt up in heaven.

But, what comes around, goes around. Right?

Karma is eerily familiar. Despite sitting close to the magnificent Cafe Tu Tu Tango and Don Pablo's and despite the obvious low budget decor, I love the place. I also love the fact that it's on my way home from work.

Karma should prove to be a good thing. I'll be nice to it. Hopefully, it will be nice to me.

Now, if I could get reaquianted with cherished friends from my past...

...then I'd be convinced that the karma is really working.

Luckily, I've been made aware of their blogs and I can read what these two unique guys are up to day-in and day-out. I recommend reading them for yourself.

It's interesting to me that as you "grow-up" and discover yourself in your 20s (and even your 30s), many people cross your path. Some of them make an impact and they don't even know it or appreciate it. Some of them were so close to being "key players", but for some reason or another...they fall short.

Sometimes they simply disappear with no explanation.

I meet people all of the time that I find intelligent, witty, or unique. Acquaintances that I would enjoy attempting to "convert" to friends. However, and without explanation, these acquaintances remain as such.

It always makes me wonder...

...why do we all put up such barriors between us?

Is it karma?

Why do friendships simply dissolve?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Why roller-coasters?

Anybody that knows me, also knows that I'm a big theme park junkie. I love the theme parks for the pure "escapism" factor. Lord knows that our daily lives are filled with all sorts of trials and tribulations that make a surreal escape fantastic, and sorely needed.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to head to Tampa with the strict mission of riding Busch Gardens newest roller-coaster, Sheikra.

This is a new "diving coaster" that races you up a 200 foot tall lift hill, only to aim you facedown a 90 degree drop. It's an intense thrill and I was chomping at the bit to give it a whirl.

Beny and I arrived in Tampa Sunday afternoon and checked into our somewhat decent hotel, the Seraton Suites Tampa Airport.

Within minutes of arriving, Beny's evil twin Franky arrived. I am a complete roller-coaster of emotions around Franky. I desire him. He is intelligent. He's attractive. He's funny. He's...well, he's Franky.

Franky whisked us away to go to dinner.

After a few moments of trying to figure out what restaurant we actually agreed upon, we ended up at a charming place called, Ceviche. This is another 'tapas' restaurant in Tampa...something Orlando needs desperately.

We had a lovely dinner, however, I felt awkward. I'm not even sure why I felt awkward. Perhaps it was the freezing temperature of the place. Maybe Beny, Franky, and I have all reached the point in getting to know each other where we don't have much else to say or discover? I wasn't feeling like opening up too much. I often become more of a reactionary conversationalist than an conversation-starter.

I'm in the queue line for quite a big ride.

I'm sure the fact that Franky was sitting directly across from me didn't help matters, either. I found myself staring at him consistantly and then fearing that Beny would "catch on" to my gaze.

It was time for me to go smoke.

I stepped outside and reflected on my surroundings...Tampa does have a few hidden spots that are quite lovely.

I must be stepping into the roller-coaster train.

Back in the restaurant after my "time-out", Beny and Franky started talking about me in Indonesian. When you are the topic of a conversation in another language and the discussion ends in laughter...well, it t'ain't fun.

After downing three glasses of Sangria, I was felling better about the entire Cheviche dining experience.

The main lift hill.

We drove back to the hotel to change our clothes.

While Beny was taking his shower, Franky and I gave each other the "come and get it" smirk. We kissed each other (no tongue) a couple of times and I started feeling nervous and elated.

Plunging down the first drop was quite a rush of adrenalyn and excitement.

Abandoning the dog in the "no pets allowed" hotel was challenging. My poor Chopstick needs a play mate. Hopefully he didn't cry too much as "Mommy and Daddy and Object of Desire" closed the hotel room door.

Off we travelled to "CitySide". I'm not sure I understand why this place is Franky's nightly hang-out. However, after two Long Islands, and hanging out with some of Franky's hilarious and insane friends, I began to understand the appeal.

Climbing back up the next hill now.

The friends (Will and Merrill) were an absolute treat. Will is the same guy that came to Orlando for La Nouba (see my last entry), but Merrill was an instant friend for me. He was such an engaging personality with a great mind and humor. Oh, and he was slutty, too.

Highlights of the insane CitySide portion of the evening? Watching Merrill question one of the bar's partrons about her being of legal age to even be in the establishment and miraculously somehow getting the phone number to the boy that she was with.

The other highlight was laughing in histarics and making eye-contact with Franky as he was laughing, too. I love watching him laugh. His friends supply ample opportunities to see him do so.

Weee! We're going down another drop.

Leaving Cityside, we headed to "the Male Room". What a first-class establishment...ahem! It was Karaoke night.

Now, I never thought I'd enjoy Karaoke night, but with this laugh-factory crew...Beny and I had a great time. I had such a good time that I can only remember small tidbits:
  • The skinny, young Asian boy.
  • The less-attractive Asian guy.
  • Will singing a Karaoke song and dedicating it to me and Beny...that's swwweeett!
  • Me tipping Will a $1 bill in his undies as he was singing.
  • Me heading directly to the urinal and laughing while I pissed because I was a drunken mess and Will was still audible in the background.
  • The "Trailer Trash Barbie" that Merrill and I both worshipped as she sang her Karaoke song. Complete with stars on her pantyhose!
  • Some other 'strangers' joining all of us at our table. Who were these guys?
  • Me slipping into oblivion.

Yes. It was a fun night.

I thought I drove back to the hotel, but later discovered that there was no way that I could have done so.

The next morning was hell. A tremendous hangover headache and fatigue.

This must be the helix portion of the ride. I sure was spinning!

We had all made plans to go to Busch Gardens the next day. After hours of pulling everyone out of the previous night and into the day ahead, we arrived at Busch Gardens at approximately 2pm.

Sweltering heat. Memorial Day. Hangover fatigue.

I wasn't doing too well.

Sheikra...2 hour wait...hardly an option.

After two free beers I felt as good as I could. We all giggled as we discussed the previous night's insanity.

What was even crazier were the stories of what happened after the Male Room.

Will went to the Rainbow (a gay bathouse) and had intercourse with six guys. So he says.

Merrill, went home and had the acosted girl's friend join him. Apparently, a let-down that didn't look nearly as good in the morning hours.

As we bunny-hopped the final small hills, the ride was a fun one.

Beny and I pulled into the station at home around 9pm ready for another typical week together.

We were exhausted, and had a very fun time.

I asked Beny about Merrill and he told me that he "liked him". I knew it. I could tell that Beny was/is into this guy.

The fun of the weekend is over now.

The fun is over now.

If you have noticed, my fun didn't seem to revolve around Beny. Am I done with him? Do I feel that he's already interested in others like Merrill? Does he realize that I'm interested in Franky?

Regardless of what the future holds for me and Beny, I will try my best to keep it together. There is no doubt that he is the best boyfriend that anyone could ever have. I hope that neither of us do anything that we will regret and fuck up our relationship. Escaping to theme parks without him would never be the same for me.

I think I need to adapt the creative escapes of theme parks into my relationship. Instill creativity in my romance.

Does this lead to wild threesomes with Franky, Beny, and me? Beny, Merrill, and me? Or will it turn even sleazier?

Why do I hope that it doesn't?