Monday, March 07, 2005

Why re-invention?

Madonna has done it...over and over again. Her latest incarnation is as Mommy and Author of Children's Books. That's a big deviation from the cigar smoking Dennis-Rodman loving hard-ass or the matrimonial vixin rolling around on stage in her bridal gown.

Considering how bad my hangovers have been lately, I think it's high time that I do the same. Re-invention, that is.

Today is going to be my first attempt at NOT...I repeat, NOT...drinking when I get home from work.

I've had many light-headed dizzy spells and odd heart palpitations that lead me to believe that the time is nearing on my chronological clock. It's time for a change.

If I'm successful, I promise that I won't turn this blog into some horseshit AA meeting. I will, however, simply slip in a blurb here and there as to how I'm progressing on the 'Road to Recovery'.

I will also attempt at doing some exercise with my 'Slim in 6' DVD. (But, I won't be starting that this week. One big change at a time. Let me see how I do on kicking the liquor habit, first...okay?)

DophinQuest '05 UPDATE!

Sea World was buzzing with NASCAR-ites there for the big BBQ Festival and the stunning (smell the sarcasm) performance of 'Trick Pony'.

Donna and I were buzzing on free beer. Since the Sky Tower closed right when we arrived (due to high winds...huh?), we headed to Key West and the Dolphin Lagoon. Jupiter must have been aligned with Pluto, because it finally happened...

...I touched a damn dolphin!

You know what? I wasn't all that impressed. It felt like a wet vinyl flooring tile.

I came up with a little trick of wiggling my index finger as if it were a little fishy snack, and these previously elusive dolphins kept coming over to me in droves (or is it pods?). I was able to pet three of them...well, that is, until the plain-Jane twenty-something 'marine biologist' in the kayak paddled her blandness over to me for a little 'lecture'.

"Sir...please do not pretend that your finger is a fish. Dolphins have hundreds of razor-sharp teeth, and if they think your finger is a fish, they might actually bite you."

Fun over. DolphinQuest '05 concluded. Sea World Guest belittled.

Sunday was a wonderful day, as Beny and I went to the GM Auto Show in Motion in the Epcot Parking Lot. I had the opportunity to drive a wide variety of vehicles on test courses. If you really want the list, here it is:
  • Chevy SSR
  • Cadillac SRS
  • Lexus ES330
  • Hummer H2
  • Corvette

The Cadillac SRS (complete with it's $65,000 price tag) was the clear winner for me. It was like driving on marshmellows. The sound-system was fabulous! I could easily live in this vehicle. Maybe I should sell my condo and buy one?

DolphinQuest '05 UPDATE!

My funny friend and co-worker, Todd, just came up to me and advised me that he went to Sea World over the weekend. He verified that he had the tremendous pleasure of viewing Dolphin Dick. (Two of them, in fact.) So for all of those skeptics out there...I've got a witness...take that, you dirty rat!

Today I recieved a tidbit of news that made me extremely happy...

...John Waters' movie, 'A Dirty Shame' will be arriving on DVD on March 22nd.

If you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. Any movie that shows David Hasselhoff on an airline taking a poop in the bathroom, flushing, then proceeding to show David's log becomming icy and crystalized as it plummets to Earth, the poop bonking a pedestrian on the head converting that person into a sex addict...well, that's quality filmmaking...not necessarily easy sentence writing.

If you need more proof of how brilliant this flick is, take this quote from a 'Neuter' in the movie:

"...people are shaving their privates as we speak! There's pubic hair in the air!"

And with that, I ponder...

...why NC-17?


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