Thursday, March 03, 2005

Why dolphins?

Cleverness can lead to confusion. Clarification can lead to annoyance.

Let me explain...

...I'm sure by now, most of you might have seen references to my feable attempts at touching a dolphin at Key West at Sea World. Usually by the time I schlep my fat-ass to the dolphin tank, I have had many free beers and the dolphins have already been fed for the day. This leads to mucho frustration for me, because I lean over and stretch my arm out and these little shits look me right in the eye with their "smart-assy grin" and swim right by -- just out of arms length. Almost as if to say, "Screw you dude...you ain't got no fish."

Since I'm at Sea World often, this event repeats itself very frequently. I thought I'd be as smart-assy as the dolphins and mention it frequently in my blog...cleverness, right?

Wrong. Cleverness led to confusion when one of my long-distance friends who isn't here to "live this moment" with me week after week dropped me an email. He didn't understand the mention of the critters and thought that it must be an inside joke.

Well, I explained the story of my DolphinQuest '05 to him and he's still annoyed by it. Clarification can lead to annoyance.

What he doesn't know, is that there's more to the story.

In 2000, I had the 'Florida Resident Fun Card' to Sea World and visited the park for my first time in a very long time. While there, I went to see the dolphins at Key West and was very impressed by the beauty of the new habitat (the old dolphin pool was smaller than my parents swimming pool.) While watching these dolphins, I started to see something that I really wasn't sure I was seeing...

...Dolphin dick.

I kid you not! Many of these dolphins had something "fleshy" sticking out of their underbellies!

...Dolphin penis.

At least that's what I thought I was seeing. So, I went over to one of the Animal Experts and brazenly asked, "Is that what I think it is sticking out of the dolphins?"

The Jack Hanna wanna-be assured me it was (say it with me)...

...Dolphin cock.

I was immediately shocked (but, not offended...I mean, I'm gay and I love cock...just not too sure at that particular moment how I felt about seeing dolphin dick.)

Faux-Jack then went into more detail...

...do I really want to hear more about this?...

...I'm feeling a bit creeped out here, like when my Mom told me what maxi-pads were for...

...pseudo-Jack Hanna tells me, "Dolphins are the only animal other than human beings that have sex simply for pleasure. These dolphins have become clever enough to allow park Guests to touch them in areas that feel good to them and sometimes the dolphins get aroused, just like a human."

Okay. Take a moment for yourself here...whew!

So these demented dolphins are getting off by allowing these people to accidentally touch their 'dolphin dongs'.

Now, I must say that I haven't seen this again since 2000. Maybe it's because I'm drunk when I'm attempting to fondle a dolphin.

Disclaimer: I assure each and every one of you that I'm not attempting to "arouse" the dolphins. I just want to pet one of them...hopefully with their sunny side down. I'd rather touch Michael Jackson inappropriately than a dolphin.

Considering that these dolphins seems to "enjoy" contact with humans, I would think they'd let me at least pet one of them. But, they always swim away from me.

Why? Am I ugly?

2 Comments:

Anonymous Wet Willie said...

What his long distance friend has is a sarcastic sense of humor. I'm not annoyed by him, rather amused. Whether or not his intention is to jack off the dolphin or not, so be it. I just think it's funny when he tries so hard to be funny. In reality he's pretty damn hilarious all on his own, w/o trying.

7:03 PM

 
Blogger TripAway2Day said...

Thank you, wet willie.

That was rather sweet.

11:50 AM

 

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