Thursday, February 10, 2005

Why Carbs?

If you read the title incorrectly, you'd be reading about 'Crabs'. I've never had them and never want them. I have eaten them and enjoyed them. But, this is about CARBS, not crabs.

Why carbs, anyway? These carb-dieters are ruining our society. I'm sure you've heard about Krispy Kreme losing revenue...appalling.

I tried the low-carb thing. I thought it worked, but it turns out that it was my other recreational activities that helped me lose the weight. I'm not going into what those activities's a whole 'don't ask don't tell' scenario.

Thanks to this clever diet (disguised as a low-carb diet) I became ultra-thin. I thought I looked fabulous! I was getting carded for drinks in the bar and even carded for smokes at Hess. My early-20s was reborn!

About a year into looking so skinny that people were 'concerned' about my health, I decided that I could try eating again.

It was also about that time that I moved into my new role as an Administrative Professional (a term I dispise because it's really just bullshit for a 'Secretary'). Sitting on my skinny butt all day, I began to notice my 'once-coveted-by-balck-men bottom' grow to an enormous size.

It was when I broke the 200 lbs point that I was screaming CRISIS!!

Now, 200 lbs for a person over 6-feet tall is not that bad. But, when I was down to 150 lbs just two years prior...CRISIS!

I am again actively persuing a diet to help me shed the pounds. I personally do not believe that the no/low-carb thing really works. So, two weeks ago, I've started watching my caloric intake and I'm trying to limit my portion sizes. To my amazement, it's working! I need to add exercise into the mix and I should be looking good by June.

Why June?

The first Saturday in June is the big GAY DAY weekend when homos and lezbos converge on our loser-town (Orlando). This is a judgemental group that thrives on physical appearance.

Judging the reaction I've been getting in nightclubs recently, I need to work on my physical appearance.

So, let's hope that for this year's Gay Day, I'll be looking thinner and perhaps even a wee-bit toned. C'mon everyone close your eyes and send your wishful support my way.

Ah...thank you...that felt really nice. And, you made me hard! I'm feeling sexier already!

I hope I look good for Gay Day at Disney...wait, I hear they're moving it elsewhere this year...

...Why Universal?


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