Thursday, February 24, 2005

Why a parallel universe?

I'm convinced that due to my multiple personalities (the drunk tripaway2day, the sober tripaway2day, the Secretary tripaway2day, the 'friend' tripaway2day, etc.) that there must be an alternate universe that I'm living.

The question is...
..is the other tripaway2day having more fun than I am?

Is there another guy out there that I could feel like is a carbon copy soul-mate (on the friendship level...) for me?

The truth is out there.

Proof of this 'X-files' way of thinking reared it's head last night. That's when I met Frankie. The event was so odd that I was convinced I had 'Scully-osis' creeping along the nerve-endings of my spine.

Beny (my Indo-Chinese sweetheart) works at an Neiman's in the handbag department. Occasionally, he calls over to other stores in Florida for rich-bitch customers looking for a specific handbag. You know...some Prada or Judith Leiber...or some shit like that. Every so often, he calls the Tampa Neiman's and talks to this guy in the handbag department named, Frankie.

Frankie, as it turns out is Indo-Chinese, too. Frankie's also a prissy woman just like my boy, Beny.

Do you see where I'm heading with this? Do the math, Einstein:
  • Indonesian (with a Chinese descent)
  • Homo
  • Handbags
  • High-end merchandise

Parallel universe. How can you argue that?

This is where I start playing Mulder and wondering if I am able to get all 'Duchovny' on Frankie's ass...would Beny mind? Would this be cheating? Would I even enjoy myself? After all...when you make a copy of a copy of a copy, the integrity starts to desintigrate. Frankie seems to be a copy.

With Beny, I've truly found an original!

It's myself that I begin to question. Am I an original? Sometimes I begin to wonder.

Many of my co-workers seem to think I'm quite original. I guess they don't watch as much TV as I do. Most of my 'material' has been lifted from Comedy Central and Paris Hilton.

Why the Simple Life?

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Why Jury Duty?

So...I'm writing from the Orange County Courthouse. No, I haven't done anything wrong...I've been selected for the dreaded Jury Duty.

As the lovely lady briefed us at the beginning of the day, we're here to make lemonade. What the fuck? Lemonade? I'm here for Jury Duty. She was trying to make us all little happy campers and was trying to be funny. I wasn't amused. I wanted to smoke.

The process is interesting and actually pretty well run. So far, not a bad experience at all. At least I'm not working.

I haven't had my number called which means that I could be sitting here pining for a smoke for hours and hours. Good news is that they'll let me go by 5pm.

If I get out of here sooner than 5pm, I don't know what I'll do with my day. Most likely, I'll change my clothes and head to Sea World. Today is bound to be dolphin-rific. If they elude me again, I'll drop something in their tank.

Why lemonade?

Friday, February 18, 2005

Why is it so hard?

Okay...filth-mongers...getcher mind out of the gutter.

It's time for a new feature called, "Why is it so hard..." and I'll be throwing some questions out there that I'd love to have answered. Let's get going, shall we?

Why is it so hard...

...to believe Michael Jackson? Well, last night's special on ABC, 'Michael Jackson: Secret World' painted a pretty convincing argument against the mighty gloved-one.

...to convince people that gays are actually normal?

...to find a fun job where I can utilize my 'creativity'?

...to afford to travel? I really have so many places that I feel that I must see during my life on Earth, but as long as I'm an Administrative Professional, I trust I never will.

...to touch an elusive dolphin?

...to fix a Sky Tower after a hurricane?

...to find reliable friends?

...to make people happy?

...to work less than 40 hours per week?

...to get a Chihuahua to shit outside?

...to drink and drive?

...to get people to realize that you supposed to shut-up during a movie in a theater?

...to lose weight and still drink liquor?

...to speak freely?

That's enough for today. I don't have the answers. It's not a test. Hopefully, someone will post their responses in the comments section below. If not, feel free to talk about...

...Why is it hard? Now, that should be interesting!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Why neglect?

It's official...I've hit the blog-wall.

I thought for sure that I'd be able to 'keep on blogging for Jesus' on a daily basis. Alas, my life is so mundane that I ran out of clever 'tripaway2day-isms'.

So, if you all feel neglected...I apologize.

Reading the rules of blogging, I've learned that it's a requirement for me to apologize over and over for not updating my enteries on a timely basis. So, I'm so completely sorry about it that I could just kill some people at SuperTarget. Would that make all of you feel better? A little sacrifice for my prized readers?

Not going to happen...you'll have to come up with something more newsworthy and less violent than that.

So what have I been up to recently? Well, I skipped out of work on Monday because my friend Donna was ill. That was good. (Bad for her. Good for me.)

I ended up at Sea World late in the day and managed to squander a few free beers out of the Hospitality House. Later on, I watched Shamu 'Rock America'. The odd twist was that the crowd was mostly from the UK. I think they should seriously consider re-themeing that show. Some great Vocal House Diva Dance Music would make the show more inspiring for me. Listening to Shamu 'Rock the UK' by playing the Village People's YMCA...*cough*...I'll be in Key West attempting to molest an elusive dolphin.

Today, I'm on auto-pilot. I'm flying under the 'work-radar' and hoping I can coast into a 6pm landing at my pad with a Diet Sierra Mist and Raspberry Smirnoff.

I've got a wild idea to take my Indonesian boyfriend to Kennedy Space Center this weekend. Will he care about the NASA and the Space Program? I guess we'll all find out. Luckily, I'm the child of a NASA Chief and I should be able to bring him up to speed on the amazing contributions our Space Program has done for modern society.

Oooooo...velcro.

I have to confess, I'm taking Beny there for my own selfish reasons. You see, I don't ever want to be an A-dult. Why the hell do you think I spend all of my free time in theme parks? I'm keeping a tight hold on my childhood. Kennedy Space Center was a place I visited at least once a year growing up (since I lived on the SpaceCoast of Florida). It's been at least three years since I've visited Kennedy Space Center, so it's high time I got my fanny over there and recaptured some of my childhood.

Beny's coming along for the ride.

I suppose I will be the 'good son' and drop in on the 'Parental Units' while I'm over on the SpaceCoast. I also suppose that I might just be dropping in on Mom and Dad just to use their TurboTax to file for my income tax return. I suppose even more that I'm a manipulative and sneaky 'bad son'.

Fly me to the moon...sometimes I feel like I don't belong here.

Why Lunar Rovers? (Moon dogs?)

Friday, February 11, 2005

Why email?

Long-distance friendships are a challenge.

Most of my friends that 'get out of Dodge' say that they will stay in touch, but rarely follow through on the promise. In fact, some of my closest friends from the past have disappeared into oblivion.

I often wonder if it's my lack of effort that causes the long-distance friendship to dissolve. I mean, there are guidelines that I require these friends to follow. One of these guidelines is that if they want to reach me, they should email me. I am not, however, reachable via telephone.

Sure, a friend might feel like they've won the lottery if I actually pick-up the telephone. (Due to my job of answering the telephone all day as a Secretary, I rarely answer my phone at home.)

I've recently re-established contact with one of my friends from many moons ago. This friend is actually an ex-boyfriend. After a ten-year hiatus we have connected again. I've yet to figure out how we 'connect' in this day and age.

I've changed in many ways, and I'm sure he has, as well.

However, I still have this deep feeling of admiration for him thanks to the many colorful pages he painted in my life.

The newly re-kindled friendship has run this cycle thus-far:
  1. "Oh my God! How are you!!!???"
  2. "So what do you do?"
  3. "Are you dating?"
  4. "Do you still talk with so-and-so..."
  5. "We need to plan a trip and hang out again...just like old times."

It's #5 that "freaks me" a bit. How do we know that we will click? We don't. But, wouldn't it be nice to pick up right where we left off? The hopeless sap in me wishes it were possible. The realist in me doubts that it will happen.

In fact, it looks like after about a month of contact, this re-established friendship is already tapering off. That truly saddens me...

...I still have hope.

I still wonder--Is it because I haven't called him? Not sure. Probably so. If the blame needs to land somewhere...it can land on my shoulders.

Then again...

...another one of my friends moved away and I've been able to stay in contact with him consistently. In fact, we talk almost daily via email. He shares with me all of his most sordid details and I love him for it. He also shares with the world via his blog: http://myfantasticexistence.blogspot.com

He's an amazing friend and a very talented writer. I know that he will be a cherished friend for the long-haul.

Which leads me to wonder, what kind of friend will you be? And, with a question like that...will you want to be my friend at all?

I've lost a few, loved a few, gained a few, ruined a few, and ignored a few.

It's hard to be a good friend. I'm glad that I can say that I've got a few great friends (you know who you are...)

But, some friends make friendship 'challenging' by moving far away.

Why Portland?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Why Carbs?

If you read the title incorrectly, you'd be reading about 'Crabs'. I've never had them and never want them. I have eaten them and enjoyed them. But, this is about CARBS, not crabs.

Why carbs, anyway? These carb-dieters are ruining our society. I'm sure you've heard about Krispy Kreme losing revenue...appalling.

I tried the low-carb thing. I thought it worked, but it turns out that it was my other recreational activities that helped me lose the weight. I'm not going into what those activities are...it's a whole 'don't ask don't tell' scenario.

Thanks to this clever diet (disguised as a low-carb diet) I became ultra-thin. I thought I looked fabulous! I was getting carded for drinks in the bar and even carded for smokes at Hess. My early-20s was reborn!

About a year into looking so skinny that people were 'concerned' about my health, I decided that I could try eating again.

It was also about that time that I moved into my new role as an Administrative Professional (a term I dispise because it's really just bullshit for a 'Secretary'). Sitting on my skinny butt all day, I began to notice my 'once-coveted-by-balck-men bottom' grow to an enormous size.

It was when I broke the 200 lbs point that I was screaming CRISIS!!

Now, 200 lbs for a person over 6-feet tall is not that bad. But, when I was down to 150 lbs just two years prior...CRISIS!

I am again actively persuing a diet to help me shed the pounds. I personally do not believe that the no/low-carb thing really works. So, two weeks ago, I've started watching my caloric intake and I'm trying to limit my portion sizes. To my amazement, it's working! I need to add exercise into the mix and I should be looking good by June.

Why June?

The first Saturday in June is the big GAY DAY weekend when homos and lezbos converge on our loser-town (Orlando). This is a judgemental group that thrives on physical appearance.

Judging the reaction I've been getting in nightclubs recently, I need to work on my physical appearance.

So, let's hope that for this year's Gay Day, I'll be looking thinner and perhaps even a wee-bit toned. C'mon everyone close your eyes and send your wishful support my way.

Ah...thank you...that felt really nice. And, you made me hard! I'm feeling sexier already!

I hope I look good for Gay Day at Disney...wait, I hear they're moving it elsewhere this year...

...Why Universal?

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Why the 'Boar'?

Happy Chinese New Year!

It turns out that I'm a pig...well, a 'Boar' actually (according to the Chinese Zodiac.)

The 'Boar' is classified as: "Noble and chivalrous. Your friends will be lifelong, yet you are prone to marital strife. Avoid other Boars. Marry a Rabbit or a Sheep."


It's been great fun to take my Chinese Zodiac placemat around my office and find out the accuracy of the fool thing.

Surprisingly, it is pretty damn accurate!

But...why couldn't I be the'Cock'?


Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Why 'From Justin to Kelly'?


How are you...?

...wait, let me finish the question...

How are you when you are drunk?

I'm always fascinated at the different Tripaway2day's that emerge from my drunken stupors:
  • The pissed-off drunk that latches onto one key word or phrase and allows that word or phrase to become the focus of rant after rant until passing out.
  • The "I don't know what I'm doing" drunk that emerged at 'La Nouba'.
  • The chatterbox drunk who thinks he is so damn funny that he won't shut-up.
The list goes on and on...

Anyone that knows me well knows that I drink nightly. My Raspberry Smirnoff and Sierra Mist Free are my nightly routine. My therapy. I'm still trying to figure out how this witch's brew determines which Tripaway2day emerges each night. I need to be researched, scientifically.

Last night was the "I want to sing sing sing" drunk that showed up.

I plopped the bomb From Justin to Kelly into the DVD player and went crazy with the 'Scene Selections' function. Belting out the sappy duet, 'Timeless' singing both Justin's AND Kelly's parts...

...well, you must admit that is TALENT with a capital "T".

At least I wasn't trying to dance as I sang these amazing lyrics:

Wish Upon a Star

The boys are bad, The boys are good
They would all love me if only they could
It's only playin', It's only pretend
'Cause I can see through all these men now

Who am I supposed to be?
A girl who stays at home alone?
No, baby needs a fantasy
Someone who'll never let me go

Could I be forgiven
For how I want my life to be?

I'm gonna wish upon a star
I wanna go a bit too far
Need a little love to get me by
Let's start with you and I

I'm gonna wish upon a star
Don't you think I'm goin' too far?
Need a little trouble to get me by
Let's start with you and I

Da dum, da dum
Da dum, da dum
Da, Da, Da, Da

If you like what you're seeing
You can believe I'm
Gonna have it my way
So you better watch out
And you should have no doubt
I don't care what people say

I'm gonna wish upon a star
Need a little love to get me by

I'm gonna wish upon a star
I wanna go a bit too far
Need a little love to get me by
Let's start with you and I

I'm gonna wish upon a star
Do you think I'm goin' too far
Need a little trouble to get me by
Let's start with you and I

I'm gonna wish upon a star
I wanna go a bit too far
Need a little love to get me by
Let's start with you and I

I'm gonna wish upon a star
Don't you think I'm goin' too far
Need a little trouble to get me by
Let's start with you and I
(You and I)


After about 15 minutes of belting 'Wish Upon A Star' repeatedly, it was time to bring out the big guns. I moved my fat ass over to the piano and began my 90 minute production of Hairspray. (Now, you must understand, I've only seen the Broadway musical, Hairspray once (and that was on January 24th). I do not own the CD of the musical. I just recieved the piano book in the mail about four days ago.)

New music. Liquor. A From Justin to Kelly fueled frenzy ensued.

This concert was nothing short of stunning, as I'm sure you could imagine. Beny didn't even seemed bothered by it. What a strong constitution he has!

I wonder if tonight will be...The Lion King...Cats...Phantom?

Actually, I'm positive that tonight's lush-fest will be dictated by what happens on American Idol. I wonder how many Idol contestants will make me ask:

Why 'Summertime'?

Monday, February 07, 2005

Why Superbowl?

I'm sure it's due to my 'orientation', but I've got zero interest in the NFL Superbowl. I suppose I could sit through it for the commercials, but wouldn't they be replaying the most popular commercials ad-nauseum for the weeks following the big game? I'm sure they will.

Instead of watching the Superbowl, I chose to watch the movie 'Troy'. Rather than give a big movie review, I'll just say that I thought it was good. Not earth-shattering, but good.

Before I hit 'play' on the DVD, I watched 30 minutes of that other bowl game: 'The Puppy Bowl' on Animal Planet. This was where the real bowl fun was on Super Sunday! The geniuses at Animal Planet constructed a mini-astroturf stadium and threw about eight dogs into it and let them cavort around. Virtually unedited, it was a thrill to watch these puppies play. I tried to get my dog, Chopstick, to watch it. Alas, Chopstick seemed more interested in his Nylabone.

Yesterday was the Mount Dora Art Festival. Beny and I thought that it would be a great day out with the dog. After the 45 minute trek from Hunter's Creek to Mount Dora, we were ready to see what 'fine art' was available.

Wait a minute here...a cop on every corner? Why the 'lock-down'? Was a criminal on the loose? Nope.

As it turns out, pets are not allowed at the Mount Dora Art Festival. The city banned dogs for the last two years due to some stupid woman fiiling a complaint with the city because she tripped over a dog at the festival and broke her hip. That bitch rained on my parade.

A long drive for nothing.

Change of plans: we head to Winter Park. Wanting to eat at Dexter's, I was getting famished. Well, Dexter's in Winter Park does NOT have patio seating. With our dog in-tow, we (Beny and I) had to come up with another option.

The alternate Dexter's in Thorton Park has patio seating...but, on the way there we decided to go to 'the Globe' (which is always an adventure due to this restaurant's proximity to "bum-central": Heritage Park.)

Guess what? Orlando passed an ordinance that pets are no longer allowed in restaurants! Even restaurants with outdoor patio dining!

Okay...we wasted the whole day and I was getting pissed off.

Not because of all of the 'challenges', (as anyone knows, I'm an a Aquarius and simply enjoy the adventure regardless of the 'challenges') but because Beny was letting his short temper take over. Trying to calm him down can take every ounce of my being.

After dropping the dog off at the condo, we ended up at Longhorn Steakhouse. May I recommend the Big Bleu Filet...outstanding! Also, let me warn you...too many Desert Pear Margartias and your bill will climb above the $75 mark.

So, that was my Super Sunday and it wasn't that super.

Saturday was great. Did the Sea World-thing with my dear friend, Donna. We managered to 'score' six complimentary beers each at the Hospitality House. We were in our usual giddy form. The highlight ended up being my discovery of Donna's deep-rooted love for Jack Hanna the animal guy. Turns out, he was there doing a meet-n-greet and Donna was thrilled that I had my digital camera in-hand. Donna scored an autographed photo of Jack Hanna.

She also swears to me that Jack Hanna felt her ass.

Maybe Jack was at the Hospitality House earlier in the day?

Well, like I said before, Saturday at Sea World was great fun. Of course, the elusive damn dolphins still saw me coming and wouldn't let me touch them.

The stingrays were more accommodating.

That's the weekend report. Summed up best as: Why ordinances?

Friday, February 04, 2005

Why tackiness?

Well...what can I say? I got blitzed on the cheap Chardonnay last night and became a "La Bouba".

I scarcely remember the end of the show and made a complete ass out of myself outside the theater infront of my boyfriend's co-workers and friends.

What a "special" (short-bus-to-school) boyfriend I am. Heck...I would break-up with me. Beny, however, stands by me. I can't believe I found someone as wonderful as he is.

Work is "sucking ass" today. Will I survive until 5:30pm? I suppose. (I just need to keep reminding myself that it's Friday.)

I'm sure I'll be going to Sea World tomorrow...and this time, I'm going to touch one of those elusive damn dolphins!!

Okay kiddies...see you at the Hospitality House at Sea World drinking my 'free samples' of beer.

Why beer school?

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Why La Nouba?

For those of you not 'in-the-know', La Nouba is the name Orlando's resident Cirque du Soleil show. La Nouba (which means: to live it up, to party) has been wowing crowds at Walt Disney World since 1998.

I'm not bragging here (and some of you might think I'm a freak) but, since 1998 I've lost count as to how many times I've seen this show!

After seeing this show countless times, I started getting "creative" with my La Nouba experiences.

It started out as getting shit-faced drunk prior to the show starting and continuing to drink the crappy Chardonnay they serve during the 90 minute show.

But, some of my wildest times were spent 'blowing up' in the theater. (If you don't know what I mean, you don't want to know...)

However, tonight when I get to see the show again, I'll be with some of my boyfriend's co-workers whom I've never met.

So, what level of excess do I "LA NOUBA" tonight?

Considering the boyfriend's co-workers and the fact that I work tomorrow, I'm sure I'll be a good little boy. But, I want you all to know that deep down inside...I'll be dying to be naughty.

Maybe I can have one glass of wine at the show?

But...

...Why cheap Chardonnay? Yuck.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Why Cleveland?

Each year, I tend to get into American Idol. Mainly because I'm still trying to figure out how Ryan Seacrest does his hair. I also love the arrogance of Simon Cowell. People hate him, but I adore him. Simon is the real judge on the show. He's the one that selects people based on their 'talent' and their American Idol style potential.

If you want to know who Paula wants to send to Hollywood, just look into her eyes. If she has that 'I want to fuck you so bad' glimmer...

..."Congratulations! You're going to Hollywood!"

Randy's becomming more viable as a judge. In previous years, it seems that if the person auditioning had a chocolate face they would be going to Hollywood, too. This season, he seems to be a wee bit harder to sway. But, his 'catch-phrases' are absurd. "Dude...you can blow." Huh?

I think Randy's done too much blow.

So last night's episode was a rip-off for Orlando. Orlando only secured about 15 minutes of airtime while the prior 45 minutes were devoted to Cleveland!

Why Cleveland?

And, why is Orlando always portrayed by Hollywood as airboats, swamps, alligators, and theme parks? I'd like to believe that Orlando is on the cusp of being a 'big city'. After all, we have Club Paris...okay...I think I failed to prove my point.

The little blonde boy from last night's show (who said he had something wrong with his trachea as an infant) was a little tasty nugget. Of course, I loved his hair, too. That dude could blow.

Work blows.

By the time American Idol was finished, I was into my fourth glass of Raspberry Smirnoff with Diet Siera Mist. This morning I'm on my third Tylenol Rapid Release. It's not working. Of course, I'm not working either.

Hopefully, I'll make it through today...but, it ain't gerna be easy.

Why hangovers?


Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Why yesterday?

So...since yesterday, I was trying to determine what direction I wanted to go stylistically for this bloomin' blog of bullshit. Do I make it a true diary of actual events in my life? Truth be told, not every day is so event-filled that I need to even notate it in writing. In fact, the day-in day-out drudgery of being a Administrative Professional tends to be quite mundane.

This leads to weekends of excess and weeknights of alcoholism. (Good news is, I'm not drinking alone. My Indonesian boyfriend of three years, Beny, is usually able to follow my drinking perfectly in stride.)

Another option for the blog is for me to tell witty anecdotes and/or discuss my observations of the world. This is usually what I'm best at doing thanks to my bitter take on everything. Should I get political with it? Can the world handle another 'talking head' evaluating the current regime? I really don't think that's the route I wish to go, especially since it's so freakin' obvious that our nation's current leadership is truly a bunch of selfish liars. I mean, Condolezza Rice...what a gossip! Watch her sitting in the corner taking notes so she can let the proverbial cat out of the bag at a press conference. Our fearless, arrogant President telling me that I should be forbidden to have the same rights as other Americans. What a prick.

Crap! I've gone Political!

Grab the reigns, Crisco kid. Where was I? Oh yes...yesterday...the day I decided to jump on the big blog bandwagon. Well, I suppose it's obvious, I've found my 'direction' for the blog: Mental diahorreah.

I'm just going to go with it. Sometimes, I'll try to make a valid point. Sometimes, I'll pull a real Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City thought-provoking piece. Sometimes, I'll simply download my thoughts and emotions. (And for those of you that do not play the piano, that's one of the joys of being a pianist...letting your emotions and feelings out via tickling the ivories. Not only am I playing the piano more and more frequently, but now I have this outlet, as well.)

Who needs a therapist? I've got this...and liquor.

Why today? Why yes!